Dear Mary, Sue, Mel and all the GBBO team (including Paul Hollywood if I really have to),
I would like to start my letter by making it very clear that I am a HUGE Bake Off fan. I have avidly watched every episode of every series. I don’t think I have missed a single one. The Great British Bake Off has taken the country by storm. There is a massive resurgence of home- crafts here in the UK with baking near the top of the list which is brilliant.
So, my declarations:
Mary- I love you. In my teens, you teamed up with Delia (Smith) and (via your books) taught me how to create Scrummy things and awoke a life- long passion for cake and all things “bake”. For me Mary, you represent home cooking- making a home feel more homely with home baked goods. Your recipes are those that the average person can conjure up at the end of a busy day or whilst simultaneously feeding the baby as a toddler is bear hugging ones ankles. I write this letter gazing through a fringe that appears to have a dollop of lemon drizzle mixture adhered to it (again).
Ever cheerful, tongue- firmly- in- cheek Mel and Sue- I love you too. You make me hold my sides with laughter every week. Memorable moments so far are: sticking an elbow into a contestants dough (was that Mel or Sue?), telling Paul that stuffing himself into a tight black shirt just made him look like he was late for a Salsa class (Mel). This week Sue’s comment to Howard “Aw……… you’re a little Schnecken” (schnecken being German for snail) will undoubtedly lead to “Schnecken” being the new trendy term of affection (maybe just in our house then).
Paul- you’re not my “cup of tea”. I find the harsh way you speak to some contestants and the way you use your shark- like, sorry, piercing blue eyes to appraise others, slightly irritating. Your overuse of certain phrases (I am sorry, “soggy bottom” is just rude and “that’s a good bake, that is” and “that’s a good crumb” are old now…..five series too old) is moderately infuriating. Your lack of civilised eating manners (a mouthful should be just that Paul- the amount of food that you can safely transport into your mouth without crumb-showering Mary’s Cath Kidston) is annoyingly childish. But REALLY irritating is the way you see fit to use your podgy fingers to JAB the hell out of the food that contestants have cried, sweated and sometimes bled to produce. But, I recognise your baking prowess and admire the fact that you seem to accept your place as the rightful butt of 90% of the other presenters jokes.
It therefore pains me greatly to be thoroughly irked with the “well greased (slippery) slope” GGBO appears to be gliding down. Is GBBO turning into little more than a middle class reality show? It seems to be whistling towards it at the speed with which Mel accidentally projected a lump of dough at one of the contestants heads this week.
Gone are the simple tasks of earlier series where the required techniques, flavours, textures and appearances were all achievable by the good home- baker. It now seems that a simple layer cake requires a hidden squirrel within, a traybake (surely the most simple of speedy bakes for sharing?) requires FIVE different types of cherries, a humble tea loaf requires chai tea, cardamom, star anise, and jaggery (which is what?)- not your average store cupboard ingredients. And the less said about the “special” flour that was the essential ingredient into Howard’s cow pat (sorry- tea bread) the better. Not sure hemp flour is stocked in my local Waitrose? And, and, and (really getting on my soap box now) what the heck is all this MEASURING of traybake slices? Over exotic ingredient lists, designer giant match boxes for plain bread sticks and bakes that require the use of Pythagorus Theorum………..this doesn’t sound like accessible home- baking that encourages everyone to get their pinnies on rather than stop in Hiedi’s bakery on the way home, does it? And yet a simple internet search will bring up galleries of pics of “tipped to win” (yes, I am rooting for her too) contestant Ruby’s extensive range of frowns. Not her cakes you understand, no, her frowns. Articles abound on the background family details and the inter- contestant dynamics under the canvas.
Please GBBO, come back to HOME baking. Come back to the normal person. Come back to HOME- made. In fact just please, please, please don’t turn my favourite show into a middle class reality show. Mary, please stick to your principles….go on, fall out with Paul- preferably on air but just do it.
GBBO, I will now climb back down from my rather teetering soap box, don a pinny and bake a traditional gingerbread tray-bake- in my home oven- whilst multi- tasking- from my store cupboard ingredients. It will be delicious. It will look home- baked, not bought from a Parisian patisserie. It will make me feel content and slightly smug and very full. It will be hastily cut into uneven chunks (a calculator, ruler and set square are not on my list of kitchen equipment). And it will be enjoyed by my husband, children, children’s teachers and anyone who pops in for a cuppa.
Yours Sincerely,
A GBBO fan whose got down from the soap box and cannot wait for the next episode.
P.S A gingerbread tray- bake recipe will follow in the next post!
ScrummyWalks 
Well said Alison – like you I love watching this programme but the contestants certainly don’t seem to be the ‘average run -of-the-mill’ home baker do they? Why has everything got to be so very perfect – an uneven cake baked well tastes just as delicious as it is baked with love.
Thanks Cathy! Yes I did get a bit worked up writing that post! I hope you enjoy the gingerbread traybake due to be posted Friday.
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If you ask me it’s getting all a bit Master Cheffie – all you need is Greg Wallace and his catch phrase “baking doesn’t get tougher than this!”
From the point of view of watching this form of extreme baking is great entertainment, but you are soooooo right, I never watch an episode and think Oh must try that – far from it – it makes me feel quite intimidated and inadequate even though I like baking.
Would I dare present my wares to Paul – no chance – I just never know when I might have a soggy bottom! Where as you Alison have complemented and encouraged me on many of my baking disasters and are never phased by anything – and it’s people like you that we need to get the country baking.
So Mary Berry watch out
Your baking is mighty fine and Scrummy Hellie D.